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SOCIALISM
You have 2 cows.
You give one to your neighbour

COMMUNISM
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both and gives you some milk

FASCISM
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both and sells you some milk

NAZISM
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both and shoots you

BUREAUCRATISM
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both, shoots one, milks the other, and then
throws the milk away

TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM
You have two cows.
You sell one and buy a bull.
Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows.
You sell them and retire on the income

ROYAL BANK OF SCOTLAND (VENTURE) CAPITALISM
You have two cows.
You sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax exemption for five cows.
The milk rights of the six cows are transferred via an intermediary to a Cayman Island Company secretly owned by the majority shareholder who sells the rights to all seven cows back to your listed company.
The annual report says the company owns eight cows, with an option on one more. You sell one cow to buy a new president of the United States , leaving you with nine cows. No balance sheet provided with the release.
The public then buys your bull.

SURREALISM
You have two giraffes.
The government requires you to take harmonica lessons.

AN AMERICAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows.
Later, you hire a consultant to analyse why the cow has dropped dead.

A GREEK CORPORATION
You have two cows. You borrow lots of euros to build barns, milking sheds, hay stores, feed sheds, dairies, cold stores, abattoir, cheese unit and packing sheds.
You still only have two cows.

A FRENCH CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You go on strike, organise a riot, and block the roads, because you want three
cows.

A JAPANESE CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce
twenty times the milk.
You then create a clever cow cartoon image called a Cowkimona and market it worldwide.

AN ITALIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows,
but you don't know where they are.
You decide to have lunch.

A SWISS CORPORATION
You have 5000 cows. None of them belong to you.
You charge the owners for storing them.

A CHINESE CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You have 300 people milking them.
You claim that you have full employment, and high bovine productivity.
You arrest the newsman who reported the real situation.

AN INDIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You worship them.

A BRITISH CORPORATION
You have two cows.
Both are mad.

AN IRAQI CORPORATION
Everyone thinks you have lots of cows.
You tell them that you have none.
No-one believes you, so they bomb the ** out of you and invade your country.
You still have no cows, but at least you are now a Democracy.

AN AUSTRALIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
Business seems pretty good.
You close the office and go for a few beers to celebrate.

A NEW ZEALAND CORPORATION
You have two cows.
The one on the left looks very attractive...

Bonus: Got this off a traditional capitalism message board. (Written by eskslo.) Anyone care to correct the bias?

 

Comments

( 9 comments — Leave a comment )
tigerweave
Mar. 25th, 2013 12:19 pm (UTC)
I'd correct the bias by changing the last one to
New Zealand:
You have two sheep. The one on the left looks very attractive.

Actually I think I stopped understanding when I got to the scottish bank one *gigglegigglegiggle*
pyraxis
Mar. 25th, 2013 12:51 pm (UTC)
I don't think one is supposed to understand how the Scottish bank one works. XD

I have no idea what the story is behind that one. I know venture capital as something given to technology startups, not royal banks!
tigerweave
Mar. 25th, 2013 12:53 pm (UTC)
Yes, the number of cows just kept growing O_O uh, supposedly
jaywalkermaybe
Apr. 17th, 2013 01:38 am (UTC)
Ah yes! Well as a member of the Britsh Public I can say that nobody over here quite understands it either but the story as reported above, sounds about right.

And the British Public is currently pretty damned pissed off, because we're losing out on public services, benefits, etc. whilst paying billions to bail out the (otherwise bankrupt) banking industry... and to fund the obscene Defence budget, as usual(like there's anything left to defend . haha)
yonjuunana
Mar. 25th, 2013 02:26 pm (UTC)
AN AMERICAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows.
Later, you hire a consultant to analyse why the cow has dropped dead.


*laughing bitterly* This is way too familiar right now.
pyraxis
Mar. 25th, 2013 02:44 pm (UTC)
*nods*

Have you ever considered taking a loan from demons?

(says she who once took an energy loan from cristal)
yonjuunana
Mar. 26th, 2013 02:45 am (UTC)
Eh... my attachment disorder would explode. XP Plus mixing dating and money seems generally like a bad idea, I don't want my ability to attend college being reliant on me dating someone, that could get tangled really badly and I'm trying really hard to avoid confusing tangles over class differences, and they have a lot of expenses right now with transitioning anyway. So I don't think it would be good.

Some of it too is as much as I hate it I want to at least be able to prove to myself that I can work hard and survive on my own and get somewhere. The alternative is too depressing. There is no easy help/support, and even if there was I don't want the moral of the story to be "You're pretty fucked unless you happen to get random charity from others". I know I got off to a bad start with family and money stuff and having to drop out of college previously, and the American Dream doesn't exactly exist anymore in any sort of reasonable state but I at least want to know I can trust myself to manage to get by on my own in this fucked-up world, and at least I seem like I'm close to getting somewhere better if I can keep working hard until the end of this year, things really might get better afterwards.
jaywalkermaybe
Apr. 17th, 2013 01:01 am (UTC)
bias fixed:

TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM:
You have 2 cows
You work very hard at persuading your neighbour to milk them, and are therefore deserving of most of the milk
Your neighbour falls upon hard times. You generously step in to buy out his cow in exchange for some milk.
Rinse and repeat until you have all the cows; then make half your neighbours redundant and throw a fit of righteous indignation when they ask for some milk

-Walkie
jaywalkermaybe
Apr. 17th, 2013 01:24 am (UTC)
AN IRAQI CORPORATION
Everyone thinks you have lots of cows.
You tell them that you have none.
No-one believes you, so they bomb the ** out of you and invade your country.
You still have no cows, but at least you are now a Democracy.

this one made me laugh.
Btw, the Iraqui guy at the local convenience store just gave me a new take on urban Britain.
In spite of the gangs of youths roaming round in the small hours, shouting, kicking bins over and setting fires;
In spite of frequent reports of muggings, rapes, murders etc;
In spite of the antics of my neighbour Richard *chuckle*;
this guy likes it here because it's "peaceful" !

Edited at 2013-04-17 01:24 am (UTC)
( 9 comments — Leave a comment )